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Recovery: Loving your Body for the Better

01 Jan 1970 • Views

I told myself that I did not want to be this way anymore in October of 2016. I was overweight and pulling myself closer and closer to that obese mark, so I started a healthy journey path. I started tracking calories, and I have always been so restrictive with the calories and with myself throughout the journey.

I would always see the black and white of things. I can’t eat this because it’s “bad” and I only should have the “good” food. I will be by this weight in this month, so I can’t eat this. I’ll ruin myself.

No. Food. What food should I eat when there’s no food? All there is “bad” food. Food. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why my body isn’t like hers yet? Food. I’m craving brownies, but I just ate. I can’t.  I’ll ruin it. Food. I must hit my calorie goal, but my body is telling me something different. Food. Now I’m out taking a cold one with the gals and, man, why does everyone look so great and here I am overweight? Food. Food.

It's Super Bowl night, and I want to eat out with my family. No. I’ll starve myself instead. Food. Food. Food. I can’t take it anymore! I can’t. And that was when I finally binged for the first time in my life. I ate a whole Tostitos chips in the garage with the whole jar of salsa.

I didn’t do anything different than what I did before. I ignored myself. My body was telling me to stop but it was if I had no control. I didn’t stop there. I just ate and ate and ate till I felt sick. I finally stopped when there was nothing to consume. I sat there and looked at the bag and cried.

The thought of quitting never occurred to me. I felt like a failure. What has gotten into me?

That, ladies and gentlemen, is where I’d like to stop and say, “Who you are is not defined on what you decide to eat.”

You are still going to be the lovely you, you have always been.

You are still going to be that humorous, nature-loving gal you made yourself to be.

You are still born with greatness from that very first day you stepped out of your mother womb destined to do unimaginable things.

What I did wrong was I ignored my body and had a horrible mentality of what health truly is. Health is not the way your body looks like. Health stretches out beyond that spectrum. It is not being consumed with the thought of food every second of our lives we never get the chance to truly enjoy this life. We never get the chance to focus on other goals. We were gifted with a body that likes to speak to us. Isn’t that cool? You see when we are scared our heart beat fast, when we our thirsty, we drink, when we must go to the bathroom, we do it.

Why do we ignore our hunger cue when our body tells us to eat?

This is what freedom taste like. To be in tune with my body, soul, and mind. When I’m hungry, I eat. If I am not hungry. I don’t eat. When I’m craving for that one piece of cookie I have it. I enjoy it every single bite. I am not in a rush. I tell myself that I can have it again another day in the next year, or whenever I’m craving for cookies. As of now, I am savoring this cookie. I am seeing how my body feels about it, not what I feel about my body and continue with the rest of the day. It’s incredible what your body does when you listen to it.

And hey, guess what? You were amazing before you ate that cookie, and you are amazing after you ate that cookie.

I won’t feel bad about having that cookie. I am not depriving myself. I am simply human and sometimes my body wants some cookie love. Nothing bad about that.

Our mentality can play a role, that one of the other things I realize. If I am not hungry and someone’s offering pizza I don’t say to myself I can’t have that pizza. I simply think to myself, “Do I honestly want that pizza?” Will this give me the energy it needs right now? Am I hungry? No, I am not really in the mood for the pizza. I’m not craving it, and I’m truly not hungry. I am not denying it because it’s considered one of the bad foods. I chose not to have it.

That’s the cool thing about our body. It’s all different and unique and tailored to you.

I know it’s not easy, it takes time. The whole getting over calorie counting, or a body image. You deserve the time, the slow recovery it takes to love yourself and see a whole new perspective on food on life because it’s crazy to think, but it’s way more than just food.

You don’t have to overstrain yourself to reach a certain goal, and you don’t have to take away your freedom to achieve a certain body image. This life is way more than worrying about the food on your plate every second.

You want to enjoy life, to love yourself enough to listen to it and give it the proper nutrition. You were meant to live, but not in this restriction habit.

You are more than a body. Repeat that with me, you are more than a body.

You are beautiful and you deserve the freedom from the bondage restriction have.

In all honesty, I will be praying for you guys because this is a hard battle to fight.

You are never alone you guys. I hope you continue staying in tune with your body, loving it, giving it what it wants. You know sometimes our craving is more than a cookie, it can be mangos, apples, kale, veggie straw.

It’s mangos season and I have been craving mangos and boy you guys I got myself some and wow did that felt refreshing to my body and soul.

Remember, you have so much more to live for than looking a certain way, okay?

Eat to live, don’t live to eat. ~ Benjamin Franklin

I repeat, you are more than a body. You are always enough. This is not a how to lose weight article, this is not how to achieve a “perfect” muscular body. I just wanted to explain the importance of your being and being able to listen to the lovely body you were born with because in the end, it’s not about being thin.

It shouldn’t have to be. It’s about loving yourself, your happiness and fulfillment in life, doing the things you love, being with who you love, living. That weighs more than simply being thin. 

Disclaimer: I am not a professional at this health game. I am not a dietitian, a doctor, all that lovely profession. I am not liable for your personal experiences or journey. I am a human being who had gone through a tough time in life wrestling with health and I can tell you this.

I am still struggling, but this time I am taking the chance to fight for my freedom. Please consult your doctor or nutritionist, or the appropriate profession before making any changes to your diet, health or other applicable areas. You should always do what you feel is right for you.

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