My Mama Always Told Me I Was Special
I once read that out of 7 billion humans, the troublemakers are just a handful. Incidentally, I happened to be one of them. I used to always get in trouble at school when I was younger. I guess you can say my reasoning is because I was trying to impress the other students. The stigma in school is that if you get in trouble, you are part of the “cool” kids, and that sparked my interest.
As I look back on my life from when I was in middle school, I always regret the choices I made because I am sure it was hard for my mother. Being a child of a single parent was difficult at times. My mom worked long and painful hours as a nurse to support both of us, and I never really got to see her. To add on to her stress, she must worry about me behaving well in school (which I was). And her getting calls about once a week of me acting up in school (okay I wasn't) was not helping our already shitty situation. There was one time though, that I will never forget, where I crossed the line.
This one was a deal-breaker. Let me give you my little back story. It all started on a Friday afternoon during lunch. There was this one chick who would not leave me alone. The thing with her was that she didn’t know when to stop. Once you got her going, there was no ending it—This was one of her faulty traits that made her very unlikable. Nonetheless, the night before I was trying to hit up one of her very attractive friends, and I guess she didn’t approve because she was getting up in my face.
When lunch came around, she came up and started interrogating me while I was just trying to enjoy my time with some friends. She got very close and personal, asking questions like who do I think I am (a player duh) and making statements that I needed to back off because I was a player who only ruin girls live (…wrong). I ignored her for the most part, but she just would not shut up so I told her to chill. Well, that was the worst decision I have ever made; it made her more irritated. I finally just stood up and started walking away. All my men who are reading this, I repeat, do not walk away from a girl when she is yelling at you. It got to the point where I was so close to her that I could feel the warmth of her breath on my face.
People started to surround us, and I was getting panicky. I tried to walk away but she had me in a corner. I would've probably started a fight if she was a guy, yet she was a girl so I tried to back away. Eventually, enough was enough. I got so stressed out and overwhelmed that I shoved her.
Now I don’t know if she was over exaggerating or if she really lost her balance. She hit the floor so hard on her head. It was so loud that everyone was silent. It all happened so fast. I knew I made a terrible mistake. Everyone started freaking out because the impact was so brutal, she lost consciousness. Before I could do anything, the teacher grabbed my arm and thrown me into the office. After hours of being questioned by the school officials and the police, I was finally sent home with a two-week suspension.
I don’t remember much from that day, but I do remember distinctly the look on my mother’s face when she came to the school. Not only did she look exhausted from a long shift, but she also looked disappointed in me. She had a look that I had never seen from her before. On the way home, we didn’t speak a word. I understood silence said more than words. I started heading to my room until I heard my name called to go to the living room. I took a breath and started heading my way. My mom was on the couch looking as if she was trying to find the right words to say to me. I knew at that moment that it was not my time to talk and I needed to shut up and listen.
She told me it was not ok to hit a girl, no matter the situation. I already knew this, but I just kept my mouth shut. She then said how she knew what I did was not intentional and she understood how guilty I felt. Then, she started addressing her concerns with my “lashing-outs” in school. She asked if it had anything to do with my dad leaving or if there was anyone who was messing with me at school, I denied it all. But it really had me thinking. I couldn’t help but wonder that maybe there was a reasoning behind my childish ways. It was one of those lectures that I was avoiding but needed. After about an hour of her talking and me listening, she finally ended with a statement that is still burned in my brain till this day.
“I know these years have not been easy for you and me, and I know life seems hard right now. But if you keep this up, all your potential will be wasted. You must believe me when I say you are an extraordinary and special little boy, and you can be anybody you want to if you set your mind to it. Be the man your father never was.”
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